Posted in: Cancer by Dr. Tarang Krishna Posted Date: 04 Oct, 2019
When someone is diagnosed with cancer in the family, a very common thought is what to tell the children. You can decide the amount of information to be shared with your child depending on his/ her age. When the subject is not discussed, children can feel the tension.
Why is it important to be Honest with children?
Many leading doctors offering cancer treatment mark the importance of being honest with children. Some of the reasons are:
- Children can understand when there is something wrong.
- Children imagine the worst if nothing is told otherwise.
- They stop having trust on the family if they hear the news from someone else.
- Children feel isolated if they aren’t told about what is happening.
- If you pretend everything is fine, they learn the same thing and keep their worries to themselves.
Cancer Healer Center, a leading cancer hospital in Delhi recommends a few ways to talk to your child:
- Choose a time to talk when you are feeling calm. You can practice with your partner or friend.
- Try to find out what your children know about cancer and where they learned about it.
- Keep checking that your children understand what you are saying. If required, repeat your information.
- Give children time and the chance to ask questions and express their feelings.
- Be honest and open, even if the news isn’t what you expected. This helps in maintaining trust and establishing open lines of communication.
Why talk to children as soon as you are Diagnosed?
The reason is that you should determine what your children know about your illness, not your neighbours. You protect them from finding out by overhearing a conversation or being consoled by a concerned adult who doesn’t realize you haven’t mentioned the diagnosis.
What to tell children about cancer?
Parents are the best judge of how the children will understand a situation. They should know enough to adapt to the changes in their daily lives.
- Tell them the basic information such as the name of cancer, the treatment, the possible side effects and more. Use terms which they understand such as instead of ‘immunology’ use ‘cancer treatment’.
- Be clear and direct about talking about cancer.
- Tell your children its not their fault and that you will let them know what is happening and if anything changes.
- Be optimistic.
- Tell them about the changes in their routine. Sometimes, cancer treatment can disrupt the routine making it important to prepare for the change.
- And lastly, tell them how much you love them.
Remember
There is no right or wrong way. The actual words you use are not as important as letting your children know the truth. Make them feel they can bring their fears and questions to you. You may even realise that as you talk about the illness, you and your children develop a strong connection which strengthens your discussion about issues. The best cancer hospitals in Delhi say that each family has a unique way to adjust. If you are suffering from a similar situation, you will find yours too.